Whenever we face a personal or relational problem, our first instinct is to run. Couples bury their emotions until they flare up later. People deny their true feelings until they begin to interfere with their day-to-day lives. However, in order to alleviate the discomfort, you have to address it, even if it means feeling pain in the process.

Run toward your problems not away from them. Move toward the source of the conflict, not away from it. This takes discernment and the right kind of tools. If you are having trouble in your relationship, it takes wisdom and the right kind of resources to help you find resolution. In order to deal with grief or depression, it takes the right kind of support to deal with your emotions so you can find healing. This might include counseling, journaling, prayer, depending on close friends, or reading books that addresses your problem. Most importantly, it takes the presence of God who brings redemption in the midst of  devastation. If you run away, you may be able to postpone or ignore the issue temporarily, but it will eventually find you. Resolution is only found by dealing with the problem head on. With God’s help you can do it.

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It was this film that influenced me to become a counselor. This post is one most personal pieces I've published publicly and details many of the things I've dealt with in my own life. I highly recommend this film to anyone who’s experienced deep loss. 

When I was in seminary several years ago, I was going to therapy. During one of our sessions, my counselor recommended a movie I had never heard of before. I wrote the title down and actually forgot about it for a couple months. One random day its title, Ordinary People flashed back into my memory. I decided to look for it on Netflix and watched it all the way through. 

The movie was dated, yet intense and unlike any film I had ever seen. Although the circumstances in the story were not exactly like those in own life, the emotions of the characters struck me right to the core. I’ve seen the movie over fifty times since then and no other film I’ve come across has touched me as deeply as this one. 

The story is set in Lake Forest, Illinois—an affluent neighborhood outside of Chicago. The Jarretts are a well-to do family who suffer a tragedy when their oldest son drowns in a boating accident. The family tries their best to move on and the story focuses primarily on Conrad, the younger son, as he tries to cope with the loss of his brother. Unable to bear the guilt, anger, and sorrow that accompany grief, Conrad makes a serious attempt on his life. He spends several months in a mental hospital and finally is allowed to return home. This is actually where the film begins and these preceding events are not revealed until later.

I relate so much with Conrad as he struggles with isolation, despair and the feeling of being misunderstood by almost everyone around him. His father is unable to connect with him and his mother tries repression, avoiding the issue altogether. What appears as an antagonist relationship between mother and son is actually a complex denial over the loss that affected both of them. 

My life has been marked by intense loss as I witnessed the unraveling and death of my own family—events that were beyond my control. As a result, I tried to grow up too quickly in order to move past the pain. In reality, it paralyzed a part of me—the part that is vulnerable and open with other people.

In the movie, all is not left to desolation. Conrad agrees to see a therapist and begins to work on his anger and grief. With the support of his therapist and eventual girlfriend, Jeanine, Conrad is able to get in touch with his emotions and express his frustrations and hurt. His father is shaken by his son’s transformation and begins to break down as well. Beth, his mother, tries to remain steadfast in her repression. She keeps a stiff upper lip, regardless of the consequences and how it affects others. 

By the end of the film, Conrad has worked through the deepest of his most dark and intense emotions regarding the loss of his brother. He regains a sense of direction and hope for his life. His father also begins to see below the surface. He confronts his wife, who is unable to bear the burden of reality and decides to leave. It’s a sad ending that also holds a sense of hope, showing the transformation of two of the three family members.

In my life, it has taken many years to truly mature into adulthood. I’ve faced my own grief, self-hatred and despair, and in the darkest of trials have held strong to my faith in God. Ordinary People is not a Christian film. In fact, the main character is an atheist. But the depiction of its characters is so real and very authentic. This is not a movie made by Walt Disney. There is no gospel scene where the main character accepts Christ. We are instead treated to an honest, vivid portrayal of a family’s struggle to move on amidst tragedy, even if the process is painful.

I figure that the film is named Ordinary People because it simply shows the hurt and pain that every human being goes through. It’s hard. It’s something we want to avoid—but it’s an inescapable factor of life that eventually brings greater healing, hope, and even joy. It is in my own journey that I’ve felt the presence of God in the most trying and dark circumstances. But that doesn’t make me extraordinary. I’m ordinary…an ordinary person…and that’s just fine with me.

If you mention the idea of using movies therapeutically, you might get the image of a newly single, distraught girl in her twenties watching a romance film while crying and stuffing her face with ice cream. It might seem laughable at first, but in reality movies, and more than that, story helps us cope with life. 

There's nothing like a good story. 
Our lives can easily seem overly complex and confusing and story allows us to escape, relate, and find a reference point to relate with. Donald Miller really expounds on this idea in his book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Yet not every story is equally good. Those stories that are well crafted and embody the true art form of storytelling can even touch reality to the point that it actually transcends it and explicates on its meaning. Stories inspire us to live better lives. They help us live a better story of our own. According to Miller, 

“It’s a good calling, then, to speak a better story. How brightly a better story shines. How easily the world looks at it in wonder. How grateful we are to hear those stories, and how happy we are to repeat them.” 

Stories help us cope. 
Whether it comes in the form of a movie, a novel or a television episode, story has the capacity to not only move us, but also move us to action. When I was in seminary, in a counseling class, the professor urged us to fill our minds with stories. He told of the remarkable power of application that comes from applying other stories to our lives and the lives of others. From that point on, I looked for great films that would speak to the struggles I was going through at the time. I was healing emotionally from a lot of things in the past and having stories I could relate with on a deep level helped me tremendously. 

Prescribing movies. 
One such book and movie that enabled me to heal was Ordinary People. There were others as well, but this one impacted me the most. In counseling and guiding others, I’ve often “prescribed” certain movies to others based on whatever struggle they were dealing with. A good site to check out, Cinematherapy.com, offers many suggestions. 

Stories inspire us and help us live, but no greater story than the archetype—the story of God’s redemptive plan in reconciling the world to Him. That is the primary story with which we will find true meaning and lasting peace.

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