It’s no secret that the reason many people don’t want to remain single is because they fear being alone. This is common and fairly normal, yet even married people can feel lonely. Marriage is not a cure-all that will guarantee that you will never feel lonesome.
As a single thirty-something who has never been married, this fear is something I’ve had to face and even embrace, and I’ve felt incredible peace and healing because of it. Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz said it best when they declared:
“Someone who cannot tolerate aloneness is someone who doesn’t know he’s grown up.”
The Cause of Codependency
As relational beings, we have an inherent need to connect, and that is a good thing. But unhealthy connection occurs when people become overly dependent on others. This type of person is still a child inside and clings to their partner like a child to his or her parent. Commonly called “codependency” these types of relationships are filled with emotional highs and lows, as one partner is continually providing and enabling the neediness of the other partner. This can continue for years and eventually will crash and burn under the weight of all the drama.
In order to grow out of this immaturity, a person has to grow up. Your significant other is not your parent, and you aren’t three years old anymore. It’s time to become an adult.
Learn to Embrace Solitude
There is a difference between being alone and finding solitude. Refusing to numb your emotions, and instead, praying, spending time with God, reflecting on where you are in life, and meditating on all the blessings God has given you are all healthy, healing activities that encompass what solitude truly is.
Taking responsibility for your own spiritual-emotional needs is the mark of maturity. This doesn’t mean you don’t depend on others at all, but your security is grounded in Christ, who gives you solid identity and self-worth. With this foundation, you are free to truly love others without demanding anything in return.
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